Negotiation isn’t a Confrontation, it’s a Compromise
When most people think of negotiation – particularly over the price of a car – I’d venture a guess that they envision a hard-fought battle with their opponent. The best negotiators know that learning to compromise and make the deal more of a win-win situation is what negotiation is all about.
If you can give something to the other side which you don’t care about, or were going to do anyway, you can ask for a concession from the other party to improve your deal. An example of this when negotiating with a private seller would be that if they are in need of a quick sale, you can bring payment immediately in the form of a cashier’s check or money order. In exchange for making the deal happen quickly, you might ask for a reduction in the price or that they perform a major service before you take delivery of the car.
If the seller needs a few days to find a new car before he sells his current car, accommodating him in that respect would also be grounds for a concession.
Roger Dawson, in his book Secrets of Power Negotiating, cautions that taking a confrontational or argumentative position at the outset of negotiations can be disastrous. His advice is to use the widely known “Feel, Felt, Found” pattern in which you would say something to the effect of “I understand exactly how you feel about that. Many other people have felt exactly that same way as you do right now. But you know what we have always found? When we take a closer look at it, we have always found that…”
If you ask for the seller, for instance, if he would be able to pay for a warranty extension since he is the original owner and he reacts by telling you that it is usually the responsibility of the buyer since he will be benefiting from it, you might respond with:
“I understand how you feel about that. Many other sellers have felt the same way. But you know what I have always found? In today’s market, owning used car without an extended warranty isn’t worth the risk, and having that warranty will really help to put my mind at ease.”
By defusing the situation with this dialogue, you can help to avoid negative feelings which will lead to a lack of concessions from either party, which hurts both of you. A side benefit is, of course, that it’s much more pleasant to go through a negotiation this way rather than the normal high-pressure win-lose situation that typically transpires.
This is true – validating others’ emotions is a simple way to disarm people and to avoid screwing up relations.